Ambition is a driver for much of what we do. The pressure to use societal conventions to express their nature and form is enormous and growing. Yet these are often at odds with those ambitions we hold in side our hearts and heads, afraid or ashamed to speak their name. The scale of the dissonance this can create for each of us is not common but its impact can be very real.
It’s a new dawn and I want to get off,
this train; rides a collision course with my state of mind,
Each field passed,
A Bunyan tale,
Driven by indecision.
Responsibilities dictate my movements,
My desire to escape lessened by my desire to succeed,
Displaced, misplaced devotion,
to my disabler.
I envy the animals;
Leaving fragments of my soul with each I see,
And long to be in a wilder world,
Though consequences more severe;
I want trees as my boundaries, tall and steady,
Not unrecorded words; at best remembered,
At worst denied;
Defining my success.
I want rivers as my motion,
Not this sickness felt,
On ever shifting sands.
I crave predators and prey,
Not colleagues whose turncoat minds,
Leave mine anxious;
Waiting for criticism feigned as praise,
And stifled innovation;
I will leave this train,
And take my bags,
And bury them;
Alongside my lost ambition.
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This poem is narrated by Lorraine Ansell, a British female voiceover professional.