If you work in London and find yourself travelling around by car, train, subway, bicycle and especially walking then don’t forget to take heed of Loot’s advice about how to behave and what to do.
Listen to a narrator
Common Lore of London
It only ever rains when you have not got an umbrella.
Never buy a hot dog from a mobile un-licenced seller.
Cobbles look quaint but they will damage your back.
The heels on your shoes will wear down and crack.
If beer is less than a fiver you’re in the wrong place.
If waiting to be served, you’ll have the wrong face.
No matter how good the service never tip a barman.
You’ll be ripped of enough, that’s some sort of karma.
Anyone shaking a tin is short of a few quid to go out.
It is always the cyclist’s fault, that’s never in doubt.
Umbrellas are vicious you need a licence own one.
Never pocket a folded up one as it looks like a gun.
Don’t converse with a vagrant, there’s nothing stranger.
If you’ve found a quiet spot, you’re probably in danger.
All foreign tourists come with a big health warning.
Be assured a crap day always follows a crap morning.
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This poem is narrated by Lorraine Ansell, a British female voiceover professional.